i will attempt to do this in spurts. spurts of blurts of words and letters. maybe i can rearrange them to make sense. maybe not.
today i thought i had the coolest dentist. he has a massage chair. so totally cool and completely awesome in a nanny-nanny-boo-boo valley-girl kinda way.
then, i spent THREE hours in it. after one hour and 3 shots of novacaine, i began to remove my thumbs from my ears and reel in those waving fingers. after two hours and 5 shots, i hid my fingers in my lap, closed my eyes, sang pooh songs in my head and searched for my happy place between deep breaths - of which i carefully breathed out my nose - dentist-type people HATE it when you don't breathe out your nose. after 7 shots of novacaine and 3 hours in the chair, i thought a dental massage chair was ridiculous torture. the side to side movement never changed and threatened to push my scream from my throat and my palms back to my head. Only this time, they would cradle my skull, not even close to the smug dance of nanny-nanny-boo-boo .
the last bloody cotton roll (dental tampon) removed and temporary caps sealed, i rose from the evil massage chair, ashamed of any boasting i'd done in my mind. i hung my head, thought of Bill Cosby and walked to my car.
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